Today is good day!

June 20, 2018

During the c section there were 2 teams from the nicu working on Maurice and Peter. It sounded as though there were 20 people in the room. They treated my babies as I sat behind a big blue curtain. I was not able to hold them or see them.. my husband went over a took pictures so I could catch a glimpse on his phone. The one big sign of relief was their cry. They both let out a tiny cat like cry when they came out. Peter first and then a few minutes later, Maurice. That cry was the sweetest sound I have ever heard. The Nicu doctor popped her head behind the curtain to tell me they were doing ok but there was a risk they might need to be on a ventilator.

I was scared .. I could feel tons of pressure during the section but no real pain.. I just kept trying to listen to anything they were saying so I could get some idea of how my boys were doing. My husband was beside me, holding my hand, telling me how beautiful our boys are and reassuring me everything was ok.

About an hour later, I was able to go to the NICU and meet my sons for the first time. They first wheeled my bed into Maurice’s room. Maurice is our “donor” twin. He is under closer watch because his heart function is mild- moderately decreased. We are not sure yet if it is an area where he had a mild heart attack or if it is just from the strain of being shrink wrapped inside his membrane. He is on a medicine to make it stronger. The wonderful news is that although the function is decreased he is able to maintain his oxygen at a level of room air. His nurse Maggie reassured me early this morning that she did not have to increase his oxygen and he is doing very well. She told me he was fiesty. 🙂

Our son Peter , “the recipient” suffered from volume overload due to the high fluid levels from ttts and has a hole in the heart that may close on its own. He also has a thickened heart muscle from it having to working so hard. Again the doctors are very optimistic and believe this should resolve on its own. He too has “some pair of lungs” and he is also on 21% oxygen which is the same that we breathe. They both have high bilirubin and are under lamps but this is very common with preemies.

The plan overall right now is to Mimic the womb as close as possible. Keeping the room dark, baby warm and voices low are essential . They also do not want to use too much stimulation and they touch them as infrequently as possible. I’m hopeful that in a few days I will be able to do skin to skin and feel them close to me.

This experience is very new to me. My first and second daughters had skin to skin immediately . They stayed in my room and slept with me from day one. When I went to visit Peter and Maurice, all I wanted to do was grab them.. hold them tight .. to look at them through a plastic box and barely be able to touch them goes against every motherly instinct you have. I was able to hold Peters hand for a minute and it was so beautiful. My first night without them.. knowing they were in the nicu .. not feeling their kicks inside me or hearing their heart beats on the monitor was one of the hardest nights I have ever had. When I called the nurses to get an update and heard they did well and were able to lower their oxygen it was a dream come true.

I know we will have a very long road here .. they have fought through so much already.

It’s only been hours .. but already my sons have changed me. I am stronger because of them. I am truly blessed and grateful to have been chosen to be their mother.