Today I am focusing on how strong my body has been for my babies. I struggled with “forgiving “ myself for not being able to keep my boys safe inside me. I am shifting my focus and creating space for love and healing for my boys as well as for myself.
I am strong because I have had healthy pregnancies and beautiful child birth experiencies in the past. I carried my girls to term and lived every joy that a new mother should.
I am strong because I never gave up. I worked so hard at finding the right care. My efforts lead us to Dr Rubin Quintero in a Miami and Dr Al Khan and Dr Alverez Perez in Hackensack. They treated me with incomparable skill but also treated me like family. I had cell phone numbers and was encouraged to call anytime. I always believed they would be here and be healthy. I chose to undergo a life saving surgery for my twin boys. After the surgery my lungs filled with fluid and I couldn’t breathe. I am strong because after 10 days in the hospital and ICU I was able to heal and travel back home.
I am strong because I listened to my body and came for a follow up quickly. I knew something was wrong. In only 4 days our boys were again suffering from ttts and if we delayed there is a good chance they would not have made it. We went from having a regular follow up visit and ended up having an emergency c section only a few hours later. I accepted that there was nothing more I could do. I am strong because I was not able to see or touch my boys after delivery. It was hours before I was able to see their tiny pink perfect bodies through the small windows of their incubators attaches to many wires, monitors, tubes and machines. I am strong because I stay with them in the NICU as much as I can .. although watching them and not being able to hold them or even comfort them at times is heart breaking and against every natural instinct you have as a mother. I am strong because The only thing I can do is pump colostrum and wait for my milk to come in and I am working so hard at making sure my boys have whatever they need. I am strong because I know the next part of this journey will not be easy. I have already watched my babies feet turn blue and hear from doctors worst case senerios. I am strong because I have to leave my most precious gifts with strangers and Trust that they will be taken care of.
I am strong because I will never give up. I will continue to fight as hard as they do. I am strong because I continue to believe in miracles and the power of prayer and angels. I am strong because they are my sons and for them I can do anything!
4 thoughts on “I Am Strong 💙💙💖💖”
Lisa, although not the same extreme scenario as yours, I know the longing you have in your heart and that feeling of having your babies taken out of you and whisked away. Not being able to hold them for hours, sometimes days. It is pain, it is raw, it is a sadness that you cannot explain but it is necessary. I have had that feeling with both of my girls due to a genetic blood condition and please know that the kisses and hugs and love will come….they can hear you, they can sense you, and keep the pumping because every little bit helps. They are fighters and you are amazing! Sending you so many prayers and much love ❤️
Michelle all your words are so true!! Thank you so so much! It’s such a different experience than what i had with the girls. Your family is so beautiful and knowing others who have gone through this and now have perfect healthy babies always gives me
So much hope xoxo
You are one strong mother. You did so much for your boys. You gave them life and a chance at life. You are seeing it through that they will be okay. The boys are going to grow up as strong and maybe even stronger because you are their mom. You are continuing to do all you can to make sure they are safe and healthy. I’m so proud of you. It isn’t easy not being able to hold them and to see them without you. But those doctors and nurses are amazing. They will do everything they can to make sure you are able to have the experience you were supposed to have. Seeing you yesterday made me so proud of you. Your strength in a very difficult time, intensely listening to the doctors, nurses, social workers, etc to understand and embrace what is going on and what is ahead. We are with you. God is with you and your guardian angels are with you. They will make sure you all are ok. I truly believe that because you are one special person. Stay strong, stay positive as best as you can and talk to us we are here to get you through this. That is what family is all about. I’m so proud of you and love you so much.
I love you so much Alexis thank you!!!