Day 16: 31 weeks

 

 

I believe certain people cross your life as guardian angels and some connections cannot be explained off words alone.. it’s a soul thing.. a feel.   I have shared my inner heart with complete starangers… women who I have met on Facebook groups ( yes Facebook!) who are forever bonded with me through their pain and joy.  There are others .. friends and even acquaintances .. some who I have not spoken to in years.. who have read about my boys and offered such generosity and love.  We are all on somewhat different paths, but our destination and journey is the same.   We are connected by the beauty of a Mother’s love.

Today I was blessed to meet one of these mothers in person. She is pregnant with identical twin girls and after a diagnosis of ttts and some complications .. I messaged her and suggested she meet my miracle worker Dr Quintero.  She is so courageous and strong.  Within 24 hours she met him and he saved her babies.  She is now 19 weeks, doing well and following with Hackensack.  Her story reminded me of how far we have come.. I could feel the fear and pain .. there are no real words to describe that connection from your heart.  She met my boys and I pray seeing them gave her some hope and comfort… her friendship has given that and more to me.

Another woman I have come to cherish is one that I met when I was around 18 weeks pregnant.  I will never forget after my first visit with Dr Quintero .. leaving his office and seeing a husband and wife sitting in the waiting room.  I remembered her face from one of the many support groups I joined online.  I exchanged a half smile with the look of pure heartbreak in my eyes.  I messaged her to find she had to undergo painful laser surgery multiple times and her beautiful boys suffered many complications.  She never gave up hope.  She too has two older children and understands the struggle of leaving them to fight for your unborn babies. She is a constant source of strength for me. She went into labor a week before us and is now the mother two perfect boys living a life parallel to mine.  We continue to exchange stories of NICU mom life.. the constant ups and downs.  I message her daily and am so grateful for her kindness, compassion and love.  Although we have never “met” she has been there for me at some of the worst and best times in my life.  I value and admire her and thank god for her friendship.

There are many others.. women who read my posts and sent comments and messages with no other intention than to send love and true support.  It was a stranger who changed the entire trajectory of my life.. giving me Dr Quintero’s cell phone number late one Sunday night. .. giving me hope when there was none.

Our miracle workers and community of support has been so touching.  We are forever indebted to them all .. especially the very first mother who helped me despite her loss and pain and the doctors we have met along the way .. they true healers and nothing short of angels on this  earth.

Our boys continue to thrive .. we have plans to decrease Maurice’s respiratory support tomorrow and are condensing feeding time in hopes that it will lead to more growth.  Maurice finally gained a little today and is 850g ( up 20 grams ) and Peter lost 35 grams now 1295g.

We have a long road, but it is these connections that have given me the strength to continue on.     When I am afraid to call and get an update .. when I didn’t know if my babies would survive… When I sit in an room filled with machines and strangers touching my babies through a hole.. it is these connections … this energy that exsists between two people .. when the feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement, and when they can derive sustenance and strength from the relationship .. these are the connections I am so thankful for.  I will forever strive to give the same and remember those who helped heal my heart.  This is my thank you 💙💙

 

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