Day 18: In Daddy’s Arms


There are moments you will never forget.  They get engraved in your soul . The first time you hold your baby is forever one of those moments.. but when your baby is a preemie or in the NICU it takes on a new meaning.  The room is lit dim with an occasional red alarm light flashing and there is a constant hum of beeps.  Tubes, wires and monitors are juggled by a dozen nurses and for us it’s times two with the boys in the same room.  In the middle of it all, is our tiny fragile babies .. born months too soon.  Babies that’s wouldn’t survive without it all.

I knew we would be NICU parents after our laser surgery.  I was as prepared as I could be for this .. but I still anticipated that moment.  The one where I hold you for the first time.  I had such a beautiful experience with your sisters Mia and Juliet and it was the greatest few seconds of my life.  But as this pregnancy has showed us .. nothing can be planned.

During your birth, I laid behind a blue paper curtain.  James next to me holding my hand.. waiting just waiting for a sound a cry.. and to see my boys.  For months I prayed.. thinking I will lose you.  There was nothing I wanted more than to feel you next to me.  After what was an eternity, I heard it.  Your first cry.  I tried to look around the curtain but couldn’t see.  And then about a minute later, it was Maurice.  Another cry.  I knew you were here.  It was real.  James went to them and the team of 20 working so hard to keep them alive.  He took a picture with his cell phone so I could see.  My boys are so beautiful ..

I took a few days until I could hold you.  I still have never held you both together but I’m dreaming of that moment.

For daddy.. he was not ready.   It takes a team to transfer your tiny body and the trail of wires to my arms.  The sounds and lights are so scary.   Today we are going out on our first date night and daddy and I stopped to see you before we went.  Our nurse is wonderful.  She made James feel comfortable and ready.  He didn’t have much time to really think about it.  He was sitting in the big special recliner chair and getting ready to hold you for the first time. I could see in his eyes fear and excitement all at the same time.  We watched as she started unhooking all the wires one by one.  She gently placed Peter, our 2.15 lb baby,  on your chest and  reattached everything that came off.  She covered him becuase he cannot yet maintain his body temperature.  James held so tight .. he didn’t take his eyes off of you… and then my little Peter you looked up right in his eyes.  This moment for me was just as beautiful as the first time I held you and your brother.  Seeing daddy with you .. I will forever cherish this father and son💙💙

My precious baby boy Maurice mommy held you.  You are still on CPAP and require a little more care at less than 2 pounds.  Next time daddy will be ready.  How I love holding you my boys and feeling your tiny hearts beating with mine.  And having us there with our boys in our arms for the first time together gave my soul what I never knew it was missing.  It is all well worth the wait.


ps: the best part was a surprise visit from the incredible Meghan Dougherty who took some amazing pics! Can’t wait to share xox


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